My Dearest Friends Family and Anyone else stalking this blog site: I stumbled upon a devotional today, (My Birthday) and it has spoken alot to where I find myself during this internship. I don't know why or how I obtained this mispreception of myself but I feel this pressure to be someone else, to strive for more and more and yet I still feel worthless, and question, 'Why in the world would the God of all creation want to use me to do anything good for His name, and is that even possible?' Now please as I write all of this down, I do not want people feeling "sorry for me" or even commenting on how I may be good person; thats not what Im looking for.... these are jsut my thoughts and feelings down on paper, so those closest to me may be able to see where and what I am rejoicing with as well as struggling with. My heart is to see us all overcome our own "demons" if you will; to fight in an upright manner for those things that hold a grasp on ourlives.
So like previously stated, I was thinking, 'Jesus why me? What do I have to offer?' And you know in many ways I answered my own question. I have nothing to offer, and never will except for what God has given me. In and through Him I will serve and He will be glorified.Now this is hard for me to understand fully but I am beginning to understand more and more. For example.... If I am so concerned with what God's call is for me in my life, I may be distracted in trying to figure these things out and totally 'forget' about God. While this may seem drastic and over the top.... "How can you forget about God?" Let me tell you, all to often I .... maybe not forget, but bypass God and dont recognise what He is calling me to in the HERE AND NOW. So as I said at the very beginning of this blog, I found a devotion that I think is amazingly pertinent to my life and others, so being the good friend that I am I decided to attach it.
May you all know that I love you, and thinking about many of you. Please dont feel a need to be a stranger! My heart is yearning for many of you, adn I am excited to see what God has instore for you and us as a unified church.
"Jesus called out to them, ‘Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people.’ And they left their nets at once and followed him.”—Matthew 4:19-20
If you were a race car driver, you would choose the fastest car. If you were a chef, you would choose the finest ingredients. If you were a jockey, you would want the strongest horse. If you were an athlete, you would want the best equipment. If you were a CEO, you would want the most qualified staff. If you were Jesus, you would want the weak and dependent?
What if I was to tell you that the Lord starts with the “B Team”? In fact, when Jesus picked his team (known as the 12 disciples), he actually picked those who had been glossed over by other rabbis and been left as fishermen. There was nothing special about the men. They were everyday, ordinary people. Jesus could have gone to the temples and chosen those who had memorized the Torah. He could have recruited men of influence and good standing. He could have chosen those who were popular or wealthy. Instead, he took the least of these. He looked past the most obvious apprentices, approached some fishermen and simply said, “Follow me.” They did.
The appendix in my Bible lists some of the characteristics of the first disciples. Perhaps you can relate to a few of them: treacherous, greedy, doubtful, despised, judgmental, short-tempered, impulsive. These were people who struggled with imperfections. One reason they all stood out was that they were willing to leave everything to follow Jesus. They were willing to leave everything behind to follow the Way, the Truth and the Life.
What about you? Are you still waiting to make yourself perfect before you try to really follow Jesus? Or, are you ready to see that God has picked you for His team? As much as you may have feared that you might be picked last, He picked you first. Why? He believes in you. He knows what you can do through Him and for Him. It is when you are willing to sit humbly at His feet and acknowledge your need for Him that God will show you great strength found in Him. He will make you fishers of men.
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